


AWW's Musings

by antieyes



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Catharsis, Drabble Collection, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antieyes/pseuds/antieyes
Summary: A collection of short stories and theories that have plagued my mind while reading vividpast's A Warlock's Wish. Not betad
Relationships: Balinor & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 161





	1. A Boy's Wish

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Warlock's Wish](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6414745) by [vividpast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vividpast/pseuds/vividpast). 



> I love AWW to bits so I started typing out my brain's babble and vividpast encouraged me start publishing them! Please talk to me about AWW and how y'all think it can go down uwu  
> Anyways this messy chapter is about Merlin confessing things to not-Balinor!

The young warlock stopped beating fists his against the Court Sorcerer's chest. His forehead fell against the older man's chest and he finally gave into his frustration through the most pitiful sobs. Balinor cannot bring himself to react, his mind still trying to process the boy's impossible confession. His tunic held the boys snot and tears as he continued to cry against the man he claims to another version of his father. When Balinor's mind caught up with what was happening, he wrapped his arms around Merlin and gentle held his head against him, causing the boy to grip at his cloak's lapel as his cries intensity are renewed.

Balinor spoke once Merlin's sobs died down into mere sniffles. "...I'm dead in your world, aren't I? You wouldn't have the ability to summon Kilgharrah otherwise." 

After wiping his nose on his own sleeve, Merlin answered, "Yes." Letting go and backing out of the Court Sorcerer's embrace, he did not look up as he continued. "I only knew you for a few hours before you passed. It was many years ago. I still hear my father's voice guiding me whenever I'm required to be a Dragonlord, but that is not often."

"Wait, what do you mean? If I was you father then why was I not with you? And what of the other Dragonlords?" The not-father cannot understand what Merlin is saying. He could never imagine himself leaving a wife and child behind. When would being a Dragonlord ever be _required_? Dragons are creatures of wonder and magic that rarely need interference due to a millennia of brotherhood between them and the Dragonlords.

"You had no choice, before my mom realized she was pregnant with me, you were forced to leave because King Uther was hunting you-"

"Uther? Why would Uther ever hunt me?" He cuts off Merlin, unable to let such a startling fact pass by.

Merlin finally looks at Balinor with a bleak smile. "He had declared a war on magic." The Court Sorcerer's eyes widen almost comically at that and opened his mouth, but Merlin continued before he could voice his question. "Nearly all magic has been purged from my world. The Old Religion decided to give me a part in restoring it." The warlock released a defeated sigh before continuing the tale of his far-fetched reality. "King Uther, unaware of its price, used magic to give him an heir. Queen Ygraine's life was taken so Arthur could be born. Uther decided the only appropriate reactions to such a thing was to declare a war on magic and kill anyone with it, no matter their age or whether or not they truly were sorcerers. 

Merlin took a strained and controlled breath, shutting his eyes tight for a moment. They reopened with his terrible grief overflowing once again. "He had all the dragons killed and slaughtered all the Dragonlords, but not before tricking my father to bring Kilgarrah under the guise of peace. He trapped Kilgarrah under Camelot and hunted you. You ended up in Ealdor."

"Your town," Balinor said dumbly, recalling his apprentice's application profile. 

"Yes. My mother took you in." The boy's grief dimmed as he bore a frail smile. "You said you were happy together," and like that, immense sorrow retook the boy's face. "Despite hiding in Cenred's kingdom, Uther continued to pursue you. You lived as a hermit for twenty or so years until me and Prince Arthur tracked you down, hoping to have you defeat Kilgarrah."

"...And after few hours together, your world's Balinor of the Thrakon Isles died"

"... That's correct." 

Silence reigned for many minutes as both as them attempted to collect their thoughts.

"You know, I did not know that my father was from the Thrakon Isles until I came to this world. I did not know a single thing about you until that time," the boy said with a sniffle. "My mother never spoke about you. Gaius was the one who informed me that the 'last Dragonlord' I had to find was actually my father. Even though you are not truly him, you have taught me so much about him."

The Court Sorcerer took a steady breath. He had not given much thought to Merlin's current circumstances, the other reality he had revealed overwhelmed his thoughts instead. His apprentice did not just see him as a man who looks exactly like his father, he sees him as a _spirit_ of his father. A ghost with the same nature of the father he never truly had and lost. Balinor did not have the same experiences and memories of Merlin's father, but Merlin still seeks him within the Court Sorcerer. "I am glad that my presence has not only given you sorrow. I am sorry that you do not get learn this from your true father."

"Do not apologized, you have given me more than I ever dreamed for. After my father died, I had completely given up knowing more about him." The young man let out a little laugh before continuing with a smile. "It's funny. More than being accepted, more than wanting to do magic freely, my greatest desire ever since I was a small child was to have my father. Then once I finally got had him, he was ripped out of my hands in a matter of hours. And now, after all these years, you, my lord, have let me to pretend that I finally have him once more. So I thank you for being here even though I know you are not my real father.

"Now that you know that truth, I hope that you will allow me to continue indulging in my childish fantasy. Please do not force me give up my fantasy so soon or push me away."

Balinor blinked away the mist that gathered at his eyes. How should he respond to the boy?


	2. A Boy's Wish Alternate Route

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bit is a path A Boy's Wish could have went down but I didn't feel like pursuing it. Since I bothered writing some of it, I might as well share it!

"And I understand the importance of your role as the last Dragonlord, but why the Old Religion also burden you with the task of restoring magic to the world?" Balinor asked, his deep voice full of pity.

"Well it's not just me. King Arthur shares this destiny with me, though he doesn't know it yet. Only together," Merlin continued with a warm tone, "we can restore magic to land. We are two sides of the same coin."

"Wait, Uther's purge of magic, how long did it last?"

"I'd say only a year or two. It started some time after Arthur's birth and ended with Kilgarrah's capture I believe."

The Court Sorcerer's eyes widened with disbelief and he covered his mouth before relaxing his hold . "Good God. For the world to lose so many sorcerers in such a short amount of time... No wonder you can shatter scinncræfte crystals," he said as his hand slipped down beard. "To compensate for the sudden lost of magic in your world, the Old Religion must has given it all to you. It did not have time to slowly restore the balance. Your world would have broken if the balance remained destroyed for longer. Magic must be holding your body together since birth, otherwise it's immense volume would have torn you to shreds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Father's day :)


End file.
